Father's Day stories on challenging society’s norms of parental roles

June 19 marks the day when all of us celebrate Father's Day, thanking dads all around the world for the sacrifices they have made and the hearts they have won.

While gender roles are converging, a social stigma still exists - the notion that fathers cannot or should not be the primary caregiver of the family. It is normal for a mother to give up her career in order to dedicate her time and attention to be a wife and a parent. But, having a man do the same is still hard to accept as they are expected to be the breadwinner of the family.

This father's day, we spoke to a few fathers who have managed to go beyond the stereotypes, and are a source of inspiration for us all:

Gregory David D’silva

Born into a family of 11 siblings, Gregory David D’silva (a.k.a Stan) has always been surrounded by love and laughter. Right from an early age, he helped out with the cooking, cleaning and even looked after his nephews and nieces when he was just an adolescent!

These early years helped nurture his caregiver instincts and he proudly and very willingly carried it forward into his family life.

"When I was blessed with my two beautiful daughters, I decided that I wanted to be around them as much as possible. So, I got into marketing which allowed me flexible working hours," he recalled. "While my wife Marisa went to work during the day, I would stay home and look after my daughters, and leave for work once my wife returned home. Tag teaming allowed my daughters to get the best of both the worlds."

"Not long after, I became a freelancer to allow me more time with my daughters. I dived into the world of cooking, chaperoning my daughters to the bus stop, swimming lessons, music class etc. and even helping with Hindi homework!" Stan added.

On being interviewed upon his decisions to be so involved in the lives of his daughters, Stan said, “I am proud that my daughters have been brought up with discipline. I feel very blessed and incredibly lucky to have experienced all the important - big or small moments in their lives.”

Alston Lobo

It was mostly chance than a choice that Alston Lobo made to take up the role of a stay-at-home dad, but he wouldn’t mind calling it the best decision he has ever made.

"It was during the last couple of months of my wife, Lina's pregnancy when I had decided to quit my daytime job. Alternatively, I was given an option to remotely work from home, and I couldn’t have asked for anything more," he said.

"Lina and I were mostly left out on our own after our daughter’s birth, and that's when I took the decision of being the primary caregiver of the family. The first couple of years were an incredible learning experience, and it brought us really close to my daughter."

"Parental instincts are natural, but nothing makes your bond stronger with your children, than being closer to them. Be it knowing what they want, or how they felt, being close to them teaches you all these little things about them. If my daughter was cranky, she wouldn't have to tell me. I would know."

Be it picking her from school, helping her with her homework, serving her dad's special recipes - having a daughter made Alston more responsible and helped him beat his nervousness of merely holding a baby, let alone bringing up a kid.

His tip for other dads who don’t get enough time for their children?

"Live these moments, take it up. The early years of a child’s development don’t come back. You have to cherish those moments and be involved as much as you can."

Sridhar Laxman

Sridhar Laxman left a successful career as a marketing professional and set out on a path of self-discovery. He did not just find his passion, but also realised that the key to his happiness was in helping others lead fulfilling lives, spending time with his family, and in being around for his growing son.

"My wife is a pilot and I was a marketing professional. When we decided to have a child, we realised that the nature of our jobs would be a challenge in bringing up the child. We wanted our child to grow up with our values, It was then that I told my wife that I would quit my job and become an executive coach while she could continue the career she loves so much," he said.

“My wife flies international flights and is away for a few days each week so I plan my work in a manner that I can be around my son more often. We divide the work equally, When my wife is home, I take a break from my daily responsibilities and she takes over. For me, watching my son grow and being a part of his development has been a wonderful experience, my son has certainly helped me become patient, open, more curious and a better human being" he added.

“If there is a message I can share, it would be that you need to identify what is really important, what matters in the long run and how you can create sufficient time and energy for it. Make time, Pause, reflect to identify this and build everything else around it.”

Click HERE to read about paternity leaves in India

Fathers should be every bit as invested in their children’s lives as mothers are. A father’s choice to be the primary caregiver of a child should receive as much respect and importance as a mother does. Today, when most households share the responsibility of earning a living, it is only sensible that we accept and give due importance to the essential roles fathers play in their children’s lives, don’t you think?

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